What Do We Mean by "Connection"?
Connection has been on my mind a lot lately. It’s a thread that runs through my professional life, my personal rhythms, and my reflections on community. At Microsoft, I see connection in the Machine Learning, AI, and Data Science community—where the shared pursuit of knowledge becomes a crucible for collaboration. In my work with the Vatican on BAIF and the Seattle Chamber of Connection, I see connection as a bridge between people, institutions, and purposes. And in my personal life, I see it in the Founders, Funders, and Free Thinkers dinners, in soup nights, and in the smaller, quieter moments that make up a life shared with others.
But what do we really mean when we talk about "connection"?
The Layers of Connection
At its most basic, connection is about contact. It’s the handshake at a networking event, the shared introduction over email, or the mutual LinkedIn follow. This kind of connection is important—it’s often the gateway to opportunity, collaboration, and action.
Yet, if we linger only at this level, connection risks becoming transactional: useful, but shallow. True connection, as anyone who’s experienced it knows, goes far deeper. It’s not just about the act of linking two people or entities but about the spark that occurs in the space between them.
The "Aha!" Moment
My friend Melissa Peterman recently put this beautifully. When I asked her why she loves connecting people, she said:
"I love the aha! moments when two people I've connected realize their shared context."
That moment—when two people not only meet but discover something shared, something meaningful—marks the difference between a transaction and transformation. It’s not just an exchange; it’s a revelation.
C.S. Lewis touched on this when he described friendship as a recognition: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” For Lewis, friendship begins when we see in another person a shared understanding of something that matters deeply to us. This recognition opens the door to deeper conversations, shared purposes, and mutual growth.
There’s an even deeper layer often hidden in the lived practice of Judeo-Christian worldview (among others): our neighbor, our enemies, our friends, all are made in the imago Dei. As Jean Valjean says, “to love another person, is to see the face of God.” What does that mean in our practice of connection, of friendship?
It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another—our friendships, loves, play, and politics. There are no ordinary people; you have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, and civilizations are mortal, and their lifespan is as fleeting to ours as the life of a gnat. Yet it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit—immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.
This does not mean we are to be perpetually solemn; we must play. But our merriment must be of the kind—and it is, in fact, the merriest kind—that exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously: no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. Similarly, our charity must be a real and costly love, marked by deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner—no mere tolerance or indulgence, which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. // C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
As it turns out, it’s hard to plumb the depths of “connection” when we drink deep of each other. But let’s get more practical. On to Aristotle.
The Aristotelian Lens
Aristotle provides a framework for understanding the different kinds of connections we experience in life. In his Nicomachean Ethics, he describes three types of friendship:
Friendships of Utility are based on mutual benefit. These connections are practical—they help us achieve a goal or solve a problem.
Friendships of Pleasure arise from shared enjoyment, like laughing with a colleague at an office party or bonding with someone over a shared hobby.
Friendships of Virtue are the rarest and deepest kind. These are relationships rooted in a shared pursuit of the good—where two people inspire and help each other grow toward their highest potential.
When we think about connection, we often start with the first two categories. Utility and pleasure are the foundations of most introductions, collaborations, and communities. But the real magic of connection—the kind that lingers and transforms—emerges when we move into the third category.
Friendships of virtue require a deeper recognition. They ask us to be vulnerable, to share our hopes and challenges, and to walk together toward a greater purpose, whether it be a life-long friendship, a startup, a marriage, or a child. This kind of connection is formative to the core.
The Work of Connection
How, then, do we cultivate connections that deepen and endure?
Listen for Context: The best connectors don’t just introduce people; they illuminate the deeper contexts and shared aspirations that bind them. They help others see not just who they’re meeting but why they matter.
Be Present: Connection requires presence. In a world buzzing with distractions, giving someone your full attention is a radical act of generosity.
Create Space: True connection often arises in the unscripted moments—in the pause between sentences, in a chance encounter, or in the silence after a heartfelt question.
Pursue the Good Together: The deepest connections don’t just exchange value; they amplify purpose. They push us to become better, wiser, and more aligned with what truly matters.
Illuminating the Good in Each Other
For me, connection is about the interplay of recognition and transformation. It’s the moment when shared context becomes shared possibility, and when a simple introduction sparks something greater. It’s the realization that we’re not just here to meet others’ needs or share our own, but to illuminate and amplify each other’s potential.
Aristotle reminds us that the best connections—like the best friendships—are rooted in the pursuit of virtue. They aren’t just about utility or pleasure but about walking together toward something better that we couldn’t have created by our lonesome selves.
To the connectors, collaborators, and co-creators: thank you for the light you bring. Let’s keep listening, keep learning, and keep sparking those moments of recognition. Because in those moments, we catch a glimpse of what connection really means.
What does connection mean to you? What are the moments that have lit you up? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Let’s connect.